Knapp’s the Man

*this is an interesting read! Applies to us all, i think? i hope… 

Knapp Model of Relational Development (by Mark Knapp)    explains the development of a relationship as a series of 10 stages in 2 phases; namely, Coming Together and Coming Apart.

Coming Together:

1. INITIATING: At this stage, individuals try to present themselves well to the one he/she has an eye for. They are cautious and safe with regards to the things they do and they way they carry themselves.

2. EXPERIMENTING: Individuals start to carry out ‘small talk’ and disclose personal information about themselves. They get to know each other by sharing information on their psychological, social and cultural background.

3. INTENSIFYING: Feelings for each other are  disclosed and both individuals display increased commitment, awareness and participation in the relationship. Both individuals adopt the ‘we’ mentality.

 ( The phase of limerance- something i read somewhere: Where everything seems perfect and you’re on cloud nine.. Every Downside of the individual seems like a plus point at this point.. but c’mon, SNAP OUT OF IT!)

4. INTERGRATING: Both parties now puts together their individual characters into a relational unit. They now encompass their social networks, and identity. and PROCLAIM their “COUPLESHIP”

5. BONDING: At this stage, the couple then settles down and formalises their relationship. They now bound together by significant public rituals such as marriage, engagement, and having a child.

Coming Apart

6. DIFFERENTIATING: At this stage, individuality is reaffirmed for either one or both individuals. Communication and interaction is affected due to over conflict. Having an intense differentiation, might reflect that thhe relationship has developed too fast for individuals

7. CIRCUMSCRIBING: The couple then starts to restrict conversation to a safe area. Relational interests and commitment would start to shrink and they avoid or brush aside related topics (“i dont want to talk about it’)

8. STAGNATION: To avoid the pain of having to break up and disolve the relationship, the couple then just goes through the motions of the relationship. There is an absence of excitement and joys at this point. Some may develop ‘scripts’ of typical responses to their partners.

9. AVOIDING: At this second last stage of coming apart, individuals then start to avoid each other and withdraw both emotionally and physically. Due to the lack of communication, channels are then sealed and boh parties ‘take the hint’.

10. TERMINATION: For the better or worst for the 2 individuals, the relationship is ceased. Both parties then move on from the relationship.

We often see these very steps in progress- be it around us, with our friends or something we ourselves encounter . However, we dont actually realise the critical steps individuals painstakingly go through to make a relationship work.

I feel that once a couple reaches (or is about to reach) the very first stage of coming apart (6), something has to be done to rectify the problems immediately, or it will go downhill; sometimes so fast, even without our realisation. Although i believe, in some relationships- (with intense hard work), it can be salvaged even at stages 7 and possibly even 8. BUT! As the saying goes, prevention is better than cure.

So never stop working on em’ relationships.

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